The Diary of Xion
by Rixion
Summary: Xion's last days through Axel's perspective.


**A/N:** Just a friendly reminder that this is Axel-centric, so all thoughts are his.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Kingdom Hearts.

**xxxxx**

**Day 255**

The Flurry of Dancing Flames lies on the pure white bed, the one resembling the rest of the room; dull, simple, uninviting. Resting his head against his intertwined fingers, he tilts his head upwards for his emerald eyes to perceive the flawless ceiling. With no sounds filling the silence of the room, except for his controlled breathing, he contemplates.

_Saïx said that Xion is a puppet; nothing more than just a replication of Roxas' powers._

His eyes narrow, now trailing towards the window to his left. The heart-shaped moon known as _Kingdom Hearts_ floats there, almost as if it's grinning at him –taunting him. He lets out a displeased exhale of air, furrowing his eyebrows, then turning back to face the ceiling.

_Sora's memories found their way inside of Xion, which explains the dreams she claimed to be having._

Inhale, exhale.

_I've been told that the Organization plans on destroying either Roxas or Xion. What's worse is that I cannot find the words to explain any of this to Roxas. Just to add to this complication, Xion hasn't been showing up at the clock tower, and it's raising Roxas' suspicions. This is all so complicated. What should I do?_

**Day 257**

Chakrams surrounded by scorching flames penetrate the small shadows that lurk around the courtyard of Beast's Castle. Axel regains his stance and withdraws the now-flameless weapons. He lets out a deep sigh, now placing an arm before him to create a dark portal.

_Should I go to the clock tower?_

He drops his arm to his side again, leaving the dark portal to wait.

_How am I going to face Roxas? Even returning to the castle will lead to Saïx ordering me to do dirty work I most likely don't want to be dragged into. This is so pathetic._

**Day 276**

Back at his bed, he remains lying but with a single arm behind his head this time.

_Roxas has been trying to get answers about Xion. We agreed to search for her tomorrow, but naturally, Saïx was against it. That only led to Roxas asking him more questions about her. I can't say that I'm not curious myself, but I feel as though learning any more about her will only make me feel more guilty. Heh, look at me, talking about "guilt". I can't feel anything._

**Day 277**

_We searched countless worlds, and no luck. Roxas let out constant questions like "Where is she?" and "Why isn't she returning?" which only made me feel all choked up. I want to know too; there are so many things I don't quite understand myself. Where are you, Xion?_

**Day 290**

Number VII, the Luna Diviner gives Number VIII, The Flurry of Dancing Flames a somewhat livid stare. It has always been difficult for anybody to decipher what this man is thinking, but for now, Axel was there, and he had no choice but to put up with it.

"As you are well aware, Xion is an unneeded puppet, so her disappearance is of no concern to us. If she returns, she will face consequences, and if you continue to search for her, it will only delay the Organization's plans."

Axel's eyes slightly widen at that, then narrow once again but no words escape his mouth.

"Number XIV, Xion, a worthless puppet that was merely supposed to help the Organization attain our goal quicker." The blue-haired Nobody turns his body to indicate his leave. "Worthless 'til the very end."

Axel clenches his fist before slightly gritting his teeth. Ignoring his surroundings, he heads back to his room, still troubled at Saïx's cold words.

_Why am I getting so worked up?_

**Day 296**

Sitting atop the Clock Tower, both Nobodies eat away at their sea-salt ice cream, observing the sunset. But, somebody is missing.

"Now that I think about it," Roxas starts, now holding his ice block just above his knees. "There is one place we haven't checked." Axel's lips part and he doesn't take the bite he intended to. Distancing the ice block from his lips, he looks over to his best friend. "And where's that?" A short silence fills the air, before: "Castle Oblivion."

Axel's eyes stream away, looking out to the sunset again.

"It makes sense. That _is_ where she came from."

Roxas swiftly turns to him. "Xion came from Castle Oblivion?"

Axel nods, yet internally regretting having said anything in the first place. _Should I have said that? Saïx wanted to keep those details at a minimum. _His thoughts are interrupted when he notices the blonde staring at him, wide-eyed. "Let's go and check Castle Oblivion tomorrow. I'm sure Xion will be there!" Axel looks back to the sunset, letting a soft smile brush across his previously worried face. "Yeah."

**Day 297**

_Roxas and I went to Castle Oblivion today in hopes of finding Xion, but shortly after we stepped foot inside, Roxas fainted. Was it because his body was too close to Sora's? Nevertheless, I had to take him back to the castle._

Upon returning to the castle, Roxas woke up, but he and Axel departed for the day. The main room remains empty, with no presence excluding Axel's. He lets out rather loud groan before dropping his body onto the couch below him. His arms suspend off the edge of the couch and he tilts his head upwards, closing his eyes.

_I wonder if Xion's going to come back. It's been so long; it's almost as if she wasn't even here to begin with. How long has it been? Quite frankly, it feels like it's been forever._

His eyes slightly open as his still-tilted head sluggishly turns to his right, only to watch as Saïx enters the room. "Where were you today?" The Luna Diviner abruptly asks. "I don't see how it's any of your business." Axel shifts his head to the opposite direction, now staring outside the large windows, watching as a heavy breeze picks up. "You were out looking for the puppet again, weren't you?" Axel doesn't answer, still refusing to make eye contact with the man beside him. "Then I think it's time I told you about Xemnas' plans."

_I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear any of it._

"Xion has no right to be among our numbers. Xemnas has issued out orders to cease her existence."

Axel's eyes widen to a shocking extent as he lets out a soft gasp. He relaxes his face and turns to face the man that speaks. "It's either her or Roxas. The organization will only serve purpose to one of them." The Flurry of Dancing Flames is left with no words able to escape his mouth. "You are to bring Xion back. Those are direct orders. Only then will we decide who stays and who goes."

With that, Saïx creates a dark portal and without another exchange of words, he leaves. Axel's arms slip off the armrest of the couch and down to his side as his eyes fall, left to stare at nothing but the ground below him.

**Day 298**

Standing behind a high brick wall, arms folded, Axel eavesdrops on the conversation between Roxas and Xion.

"Where have you been? Axel and I have been looking all over for you."

"You have? Sorry."

"Let's go home. If you come back voluntarily, Saïx will let all this drop. He has to. I don't care what he said to you. I'll be there. Me and Axel will make sure to stay by your side."

"I really can't."

Axel couldn't stand it anymore. He had to do something –he just didn't know what. If he lets Xion go, it could buy her some time to run away, meaning the Organization won't be able to destroy her. But Roxas would never allow her to run away again, especially without knowing how complicated the situation is right now. Even so, that would risk Saïx finding out and that too, would lead to Axel's annihilation. His only option is to take her back, and he would do it even if it meant using force. Unfolding his arms and lifting his body off from against the wall, he makes his way around the building –to the staircase. His eyes meet with a scenario he never thought was possible; Xion holding up her Keyblade, aimed to Roxas' chest. Without given any thought, Axel summons one of his fire-engulfed Chakrams and tosses it at Xion. Luckily, she had heard it approaching and made it just in time to block the attack with her Keyblade. The Chakram rebounds and buries itself to the floor, its flames going out.

Step by step, Axel walks down the staircase; mind completely void of thoughts at this time.

"Why hello there, Xion." The tone in his voice could be portrayed as sardonic.

"Axel?" Roxas' expression depicted disbelief.

The puppet's eyes narrow as she grips tighter onto her Keyblade before charging at Number VIII with full might. Axel gets into fighting stance, ready for combat. "No, wait!" Roxas calls, raising an arm for a failed attempt at stopping Xion. She swings her Keyblade at the red-haired Nobody, only to meet with his second Chakram. Axel counters her attack and strikes another blow, however, Xion falls back. Roxas is left in shock, conflicted as to what he should do. When the puppet charges at Number VIII once again, Roxas clenches his fists and roars a lurid "Stop!"

Xion halts, looking over her shoulder to Roxas with a face filled entirely with uneasiness. It was ironic though –how a Nobody could illustrate what only a person with a heart could. On the other hand, this gave Axel a great advantage, and he wasn't going to let it slip away. In the few seconds he had, he stamped his forearm against her back, causing a rather loud yelp to escape the puppet's mouth. Her Keyblade slides out of her hand as her body falls forward. Axel catches her petite figure, now opening a portal of darkness. He looks up at Roxas' traumatized face one last time, which without a doubt –tore at his insides, before returning to the castle.

**Day 299**

"You're sure things are better this way?" Axel asks, now approaching Saix.

"I never expected you to question it." The Lunar Diviner starts. "If you could save one of them… why would you choose the puppet?" That alone, caused an uneasy intake of breath on Axel's part. "Or put it this way. Which would you rather suffer the loss of: some make-believe friendship, or a real one? Things are finally right again. Of course we're better off this way."

_Better off this way? Don't make me laugh._

"Xemnas is exasperated from all the 'fixing' that we've had to do. We have to set things right. There's simply too much on the line."

Saix finally looks over to Number VIII, his empty blue eyes meeting with Axel's emeralds.

"Lea."

**Day 300**

A broken puppet, a lost Nobody and a conflicted friend all sit atop the Clock Tower, eating their sea-salt ice cream that ironically tasted extra salty. No exchanges of words were made; not a single one of them really knew what to say. The three would usually talk each other's ears off, but could it be that those days are gone? After an incredibly long silence, Roxas finally speaks.

"I've been getting these strange pictures in my head lately." Xion looks over to Roxas.

"Strange pictures?"

Roxas nods. "I've been seeing people and places I've never met or been to before. It's weird." Xion gasps. "No way…" She faces the front again. "What's the matter?" Roxas looks over to her. "It's the same with me." Axel says nothing; only listens. "Huh? That's strange. Maybe this happens to all Nobodies."

_They must be Sora's memories._

After that, no more words were said. Neither of the 3 Nobodies had anything more to say.

**Day 322**

_Roxas, Xion and I haven't spoken at all lately and it makes me uneasy. There are a few times where Roxas had small talk with me –just the basics, but that's about it. Where has Xion been these days? It feels like I haven't spoken to her for such a long time but on the other hand, talking to her will only make me feel all choked up inside again._

_I haven't been going to the Clock Tower much either and every time I do go, nobody is there._

_I sure miss the old days._

**Day 352**

A strong-willed girl, a confident boy and resilient flames all sit atop the Clock Tower, eating their sea-salt ice cream that pleasingly tasted extra sweet today. Despite their hardships, their worries weren't there for now. The sunset was astonishingly beautiful, warm and peaceful.

"If only things could stay this way." Xion whispers a little louder than intended.

The three continue to watch the sunset.

"Yeah." Roxas replies.

"But even if for some strange reason, we can't be together, we'll always have our memories." Axel didn't realized how incredibly cheesy he had sounded, though it didn't matter to him at all.

"You're right. I will never forget this day." Xion smiles.

"Me too." Roxas adds.

Axel nods.

_Nothing about the Organization, Xion's truth or our fate mattered, because the three of us were together –that was all that mattered. It reminded me of how it felt like to have a heart, and that alone brings a smile to my face._

_I don't think I could ever forget this day._

**Day 355**

After a long day of putting up with Demyx as his partner, Axel decides to make his way to the Clock Tower, rather not expecting anybody to be there at the very least, but he was wrong. Short ebony hair brushes against light skin, her azure eyes tranquilly watching sunset, not even noticing the flame's presence. "So this is where you were." Xion's body slightly jolts as she snaps out of her somewhat 'daydream'. She looks over her shoulder, now feeling reassured that the voice she heard was as she presumed. She smiles, letting out a soundless laugh. "It's just you, Axel." She looks to the front again. Axel walks over to sit beside her, but keeping a small distance between the two. "Something on your mind?" Candidly, there were a ton of questions Axel had for the blameless puppet, but he didn't want to alarm her. It's her sensitivity that defines her; yet she is so strong-willed. If that isn't something to admire, he doesn't know what is.

Xion's eyes indistinctly narrow for a short while before she settles them once again. "I was just thinking of all the memories you, Roxas and I have shared up here," she grins. "They're enough to overflow me." That instigated a short laugh from Axel.

Xion frowns. "But when I get lost in those blissful memories, I begin to realize that these days can't last forever."

A moment of quietness goes by.

"Would it be uncanny to say that it makes me… feel sad?" Xion asks. Axel's lips part –not to say something, but out of mere shock. He had no way to answer her, but she knew. Despite the uneasiness –perhaps even 'sadness' –she feels inside, her gentle smile never fades. "You've known about me for a while, haven't you?" she asks, discreetly clutching onto her wrist with her right hand. Axel's lips tighten before he finally speaks. "Yeah." His voice is vaguely uneasy.

Her grip on her wrist tightens and this time, Axel notices.

"So you're aware of how I was created? My fate?"

If Nobodies had hearts, would this be the part where Xion or even Axel would cry? The part where both Nobodies would let out every last emotion they've kept bottled up inside? The part where they could finally clear the infuriating lumps in their throats? The part where they would just… let it all out? Perhaps, they will never know.

As if he's only mimicking his previous answer, only weaker, he replies with a docile "Yeah."

"Sora…" she hums. Axel's eyes jolt up. "His memories are what create me. I thought the images that kept on popping up in my head were my memories –memories of before Organization XIII. But I was wrong. There was no _before Organization XIII_ for me. Even now, it's still Organization XIII. I'm a hollow puppet that Xemnas used to his advantage. I belong inside Sora." Her smile softly fades.

Could it be that the lump inside Axel's throat had gotten bigger? After struggling to find words to escape his mouth, his face relaxes.

He lets out a small chuckle.

Xion looks over to him, slightly shocked, wondering what it was that caused him to laugh. "Is it funny?" Who was she kidding? She wanted to laugh too –at everything that's happened; at her own existence.

"No," he smiles, looking over to her. "It's just; you're making it sound as though it's inevitable for you to return to Sora." He faces the sunset again, admiring how warm the atmosphere had gotten. Xion remains rather surprised as she looks up at Axel, her lips parted in anticipation. "You say you're a hollow puppet? What about the memories we've created? Didn't you say they were enough to fill the empty void inside you?" A pleasant smile plasters his face.

"But–"

"You should think for yourself. After all, you're you, Xion."

She continues to look up at The Flurry of Dancing Flames in complete awe, watching his idyllic face admire the sunset –this moment. She relaxes, simulating Axel's smile. They both watch as the sun slowly fades away, which was a little derisive for their current situation. But even though fate couldn't change, maybe –just maybe, things were good enough just this way.

**Day 356**

_Both Xion and Roxas left…_

_Roxas roared at me with questions about Sora and his existence. I didn't know how to answer him. I couldn't answer him. As for Xion, I haven't seen her at all. Where did she go? They'll come back, right?_

**Day 357**

Axel makes his way over to the main room in hopes of finding at least one of his two friends there, but no luck. Instead, he finds Demyx (carelessly strumming away at his Sitar) and Xigbar sitting on the couches. Out of obstinacy, Axel tells himself to go out and search for his friends. Raising his right arm, he prepares a dark portal, before:

"Are you going somewhere?"

Axel turns around to see Saïx holding out mission papers. "But I haven't issued out your mission yet." Axel frowns. "Or could it be that you want to look for your _friends_?" His emphasis on the word 'friends' made him sound as though he felt envious, but that wasn't the case. Axel doesn't reply.

"Could it be that Number VII is jealous?" Xigbar decides to interfere with a jerky tone in his voice.

"Don't make me laugh." Saïx scoffs. He looks back to Axel. "I will not stop you; however, we will only serve purpose to one of the two. Remember that."

"Ouch." Demyx mutters.

And with that, Axel proceeds to entering his dark portal.

He steps out of the portal and finds himself in front of Twilight Town's mansion. Before the gate stands Xion, cautious of whom it is that intruded. "I still can't believe it's come to this." Axel says, diminishing his portal. Xion frowns.

"Axel."

"Xion, what are you going to do?" his hoarse voice illustrated anger.

"I've decided that I have to go back to where I belong."

The Flurry of Dancing Flames narrows his eyes. "Back to Sora?" he questions. Xion's eyes trail down, her grief-stricken face tearing at Axel's insides (that is, if Nobodies _had_ insides). "It's for the good of everyone." It was that line that triggered Axel. He didn't know what he felt, but it was something along the lines of irritation, discontent, anger.

_It's for the good of everyone? What about me –what about Roxas?_

He clenches his fist. "But how do you know that?" He tilts his head to the side, staring at her through his half-lidded eyes. "Everybody thinks they're right."

"This is right."

_No, it's not, Xion. Once you return to Sora, there will be no _you_ left. Do you realize what Naminé is going to do to you? You won't… be here anymore._

Could he say the words that filled his mind? He was so clouded with emotions –if not emotions, agonizing pain –that he couldn't find the words to convince her. He pants heavily; conflicted. "What's your problem?!" He yells; his arms spread as his body leans forward.

Xion's eyes jolt up.

"Go on, you just keep running." He summons his flame concealed Chakram, holding it out before him. "But I'll always be there to bring you back!"

**x**

Axel, once again, brought Xion back to the Organization, but shortly after waking up, she insisted on leaving. She had made up her mind. It was her final wish and seeing her plead; Axel had no choice but to allow her. However, for him, the lump in his throat would not leave. It was unbearable.

He lies on his bed once again, arms behind his head, one knee bent and the other extended atop the white bed sheets. The heart-shaped moon, Kingdom Hearts, continues to mock him. His face glowers.

_Before Xion left, she smiled and said "Thank you."_

_But I… had so much to say that I couldn't find the words to say any of it._

_And just like that, she left._

Even with his memories of when he was a Somebody, he doesn't recall feeling anything _this_ painful before. Maybe, for now, he was thankful for not having a heart. He continues to stare at nothing but the blank ceiling, the atmosphere suddenly getting chilly.

"How did this happen?"

He effortlessly lifts his body and sits up, resting his arm on his leg and his head on his arm. He looks over to the window once again, but this time, notices a piece of paper lying on the pane. Curious, he walks over to it only to realize it's in fact an envelope. It had no writing on it; just pure white. He turns it around and unseals it, only to see a seashell inside of it –_her_ seashell.

**x**

It was rather late and the remaining Organization members were in their rooms by now. After the uneasiness inside of him cooled down even just slightly, Axel decided to walk out. But to his wretched luck, Saïx was roaming the corridors. The Luna Diviner stops before his former best friend and Axel imitates the action.

"Seeing as you're still up, I have a little errand for you." Saïx nonchalantly says. Axel didn't want to do any more dirty work. He was sick of it. It's the last thing he would want at a time like this. But he was too exhausted to fight back, so he just listens. "I want you to rid of any trace of Xion's existence." Axel didn't retort until shortly after said Nobody issued the order, only just realizing what he said.

"What?" he gasps more than speaks.

"Should I repeat myself?" Saïx asks. Axel's mouth shuts, but eyes remain dazed. "I'll take that as a no." Number VII concludes before walking past Axel, off to wherever it is he was planning on going. The Flurry of Dancing Flames remains in that same spot, overlooking the order for a short while. He clenches his fists and finally decides to walk the opposite direction of the corridors –over to Xion's room.

He stands before the door that leads to her bedroom, staring at it for a moment. He slowly turns the doorknob leading to a room in complete darkness. Walking in, he felt a rather cold gush of air brush past him. Her room was just like any other in the castle: dull, simple, unappealing. There was nothing more than just a bed, a drawer and a lamp on that drawer. The window, naturally, showed nothing more than the starry sky and Kingdom Hearts. Axel had never been in here before, but even with its resemblance to every other room, he felt as though he wasn't at The Castle That Never Was anymore. It was as if everything was so unfamiliar –so new to him.

He walks over to her bed but sees nothing more than just tidy bed sheets and an identical pillow. He sighs and makes his way to her drawer, now switching the lamp on for even just a small shade of light. To some extent anxious, he opens her top drawer, but finds nothing inside. His gloved hand travels down –opens the second drawer.

Inside lays a book; a diary. He lets out a quiet "Huh?" and reaches for it. It was plain and had no words written on the cover, so it made him curious. Placing it on top of the drawer, he opens it, only to see writing –to be precise, diary entries.

"**Day 7:** I was told that my name is Xion and that my purpose is to collect 'hearts'. What exactly is a heart?"

Axel frowns.

_Erase any trace of her existence…_

He rips out the first page and tightens his grip on it, before shredding it in flames.

He continues to read her diary entries that read nothing more than "Why do we collect hearts?" "I want answers." "So Nobodies don't have hearts?" "Nothing makes sense." "What exactly… am I?" Axel could cringe at these, but for the time being, he was too lost in reading. One by one, he burns the pages; ceasing them from existence. The recurrence goes on for a while, until…

"**Day 352:** The Organization is determined to erase either me or Roxas. They'll never allow us to coexist. I love Roxas and Axel. I'm sure Saix would scoff at that. Call it a trick or my artificial memories. But the time I spent on that clock tower was real. I wish the three of us could stay together, just like this, forever."

The lump inside Axel's throat is back. His eyes narrow before slowly ripping the page out, and burning it to nothingness.

"**Day 355:** Axel's always helped me out, so I'm glad he did again. However, how long has he known about me? Maybe since long before we met in Castle Oblivion. But, today he told me to think for myself. I was so happy."

This time, he did cringe. His eyes slightly widen and he stares at that same page. His eyes pay attention to only the line "I was so happy." It was certain that he could feel something inside of him. If it wasn't emotions, it was definitely something along those lines. He continues to stare at that same line. "I was so happy." That triggered Axel to smile softly.

He slowly rips the page out, and burns it.

He had gotten to the final diary entry. He didn't know if he was glad because he wouldn't have to reminisce anymore, or if he was sad that he'd be reading the last bit of proof of Xion's existence. Either way, he proceeded.

"**Day 356:** I shouldn't exist anymore. They say that nobodies were never supposed to exist, but I'm the real affront. But before I'm gone, I want to help Roxas and Axel. Even just a little. This puppet will have to play her part. However, this is not the end. I won't forget any of the memories we've shared together. Even if Roxas and Axel do, I won't forget."

Axel lets out a slight laugh, smiling as though the final diary entry was more sweet than salty.

"I will never forget."

And the paper burns to shreds.


End file.
